


Moral Ambiguity

by Diswrit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27638930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diswrit/pseuds/Diswrit
Summary: Alternate ending to chapter 10 of Three Knives - In which Alice is a master of blurring even the thickest lines separating right from wrong(AKA beautiful smut that I couldn't justify publishing in Three Knives because character arcs, Dean Winchester's moral compass, etc.).
Relationships: Dean Winchester/OC





	Moral Ambiguity

Dean watched Alice carefully as they drove back to the motel. She kept licking her lips, and twitching oddly. Her foot tapped incessantly, and she didn't seem to be aware of it. Dean didn't say anything, but he was worried about her.

When they got back to their room, Alice made a beeline for the bathroom. Dean's eyes followed her.

"We need to find an abandoned church now," Sam said. "The sooner the better. I say we go out now and start looking."

Dean shook his head.

"I don't know about you," Dean groaned, settling into a chair, "But I'm sore as hell. And starving too. I say we take a breather, eat something, clean up, and then go church-hunting."

"Fine," Sam conceded. "I'll grab something to eat, and be right back."

He walked out the door, closing it behind him. Dean got up and went to the sink in front of the bathroom to rinse off his knuckles. They were scraped, and covered in blood, only some of which was his. Alice emerged from the bathroom while he was gingerly drying his hands. She searched the room briefly, noting Sam's absence.

"Where's Sam?" she asked.

"Out getting food," Dean said. "We're gonna look for an abandoned church after we eat and clean up a bit."

Alice nodded, her eyes settling on his hands.

"Want some help wrapping those?" she asked.

"Sure."

Alice retrieved hydrogen peroxide and a roll of bandages from a duffel bag. Dean shifted uncomfortably as she splashed his knuckles with peroxide, though it wasn't the sting that bothered him.

"Look, Alice, are you sure that you're okay?" he asked.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you I wasn't?" she replied without taking her eyes off his hands.

"Maybe," Dean admitted. "Because if you're not really alright, it would be great if I knew. You know. So I can try to help?"

"You can't help me, Dean," Alice said, setting the peroxide aside and grabbing the bandages. She still refused to meet his eyes.

"You don't know that," Dean argued.

"Yes I do."

"How?"

Alice's actions became jerky, her fingers moving more quickly as she wound the bandages around his knuckles.

"Because you're leaving," she said, her tone becoming snappish. "And even if you weren't..."

She bit her lip, and fell silent. Her hands shook as she tore off a length of tape to secure his bandages. Dean stopped her, covering her hands with his. She finally met his eyes, and he could see the pain hiding in their depths.

"Tell me," he requested.

"I can't," Alice said.

"Yes you can," Dean said persistently.

"I won't," Alice clarified.

"That doesn't work," he said.

"What doesn't work?" Alice demanded.

"Pushing everything away," Dean said. "Shoving all the pain down and pretending it isn't there."

Alice tore her hands from his grasp, alarmed by his perception.

"Pain is for weak people," she said. She sounded pathetic, even to herself.

"No, pain is for everyone," Dean corrected her.

Alice snorted, quickly turning to sarcasm for a way out of the feelings jam she could feel coming.

"And here comes the part where you remind me that you've been hurt too, right?" Alice said bitingly.

"I'm not trying to patronize you," Dean said. "But yeah, I've taken more than my fair share of shit from life. That's how I know that acting like nothing's wrong just makes it worse."

"So what do you suggest I do?" Alice challenged.

"Act human," Dean said. "Talk to someone. I don't know. Show something to prove you aren't dead."

Alice glared at him for a moment while she considered his words. She took stepped forward suddenly, and grabbed handfuls of Dean's shirt. He thought she was going to start hitting him. Instead, she pulled him down to her height, and placed her lips on his solidly. The action took him by surprise, and he pulled back from her. She followed, pushing him against the wall and moving to kiss him again, but he shoved her away, none too gently.

"Alice, no," he said, the words harsh and adamant even to his ears.

"Why not?" she demanded, unfazed by his tone.

"It's wrong!" Dean exclaimed, thinking that it should have been obvious, even to morally ambiguous Alice.

"Come on, Dean!" she plead. "You can't ask me to open up and then push me away when I do."

"This wasn't what I was talking about," Dean protested. "You can't just kiss someone twice your age and call it opening up."

"Why not?" Alice asked insistently. "It's sure easier than talking."

"You're way too young for this kind of talking," Dean said.

"So what, I'm old enough to kill a man, but I'm not old enough to love one?" she challenged.

The words took Dean completely off guard, with their familiarity more than anything else. The exact same thought had crossed his mind more than once before.

"You're too young to be doing either," he said, after a pause that he knew was too long.

Alice's mouth twitched up slightly, her eyes glinting with satisfaction, and Dean immediately knew that she already had a response.

"And yet, I've killed men all my life," she said smugly.

Dean had been right. He had no idea what he could say to counter that. For a moment that seemed to stretch on into infinity, Alice just watched him, silently gauging his reaction. Finally, she leaned up again, and pressed her lips to his. Decisive though her actions were, she moved excruciatingly slowly, as if to keep him from bolting. Dean stayed still, knowing he should push her away. He should tell her no. That he didn't want her. But the truth was that he did want her. He'd wanted her for a while, and he could feel himself responding to her actions, small, cautious movements though they were.

When Dean failed to push her away, Alice pressed forward, seemingly emboldened by his indecision. She brought her hands up to either side of his face as she deepened the kiss, and without telling himself to, Dean found himself going along with her, parting his lips to let her in. He moaned softly as her tongue brushed against his, and his arms snaked around her waist of their own accord, pulling her closer. In body, she was barely reaching the cusp of womanhood, yet the way she touched him, the way she moved with him, the way that she was the one grabbing him and pulling, and demanding...

He groaned as one of her hands slipped below his waist, brushing against the front of his pants. The gentle touch brought him back to his senses, and he grabbed her hand, more roughly than he intended. He shook his head violently, jerking his lips away from hers.

"This is wrong," he growled again.

"It feels right to me," she breathed, running her fingers from his ear, down his neck.

Dean clenched his eyes shut, letting his head fall back against the wall as the sensation of her flesh against his raised goosebumps on his arms.

"God damn it Alice, why are you doing this?" Dean plead. "Why do you want me to... to do this to you?"

 _Alice, what the hell is wrong with you_ , he thought, though he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.

"Say the word, Dean," Alice said. Something had changed in her voice. Her tone was harder.

Dean opened his eyes to find her glaring at him.

"What?"

"Say you don't want me," Alice all but spat. "Tell me to go away. Tell me you don't want this, and I'll _fucking_ stop."

Dean stared at her, conflict roiling within him. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't make the words come out. Alice's eyes narrowed, and she grabbed his shirt again, pulling him down to her height.

"Go on, _Winchester_ ," she egged, her tone almost mocking. "Tell me how you can't, because _I'm_ just a kid, and _you're_ such a righteous fucking person."

 _Why does she get to be mad at me?_ Dean thought. He was fucking trying as hard as he could.

"You don't want this," he finally managed.

Alice looked so mad, he was sure she was about to start throwing punches. Instead, she spoke, her voice low and filled with fury.

"Don't tell me what I want and don't want," she growled. "You don't fucking know what I want! I know what I want... and I know what you want. If you're going to deny it, fine. But get on with it, and stop wasting my time."

Dean struggled to find the right words. He knew what they were, but god help him, he didn't want to say them.

"Say something!" Alice ordered, shaking him slightly.

Dean groaned in defeat. He coudn't do it.

"Are you sure?" he asked at her ear. "You'd better be god-damned sure this is what you want Alice."

He straightened, and locked his eyes onto hers. Alice was dead serious, almost solemn, when she answered him.

"Yes," she said surely. Dean held her gaze for a moment more, and there was no doubt in the swirling colors of her eyes, now a shade darker than was usual.

 _You fucker_ , he cursed himself internally.

Suddenly, he stopped holding back. He leaned down and kissed her possessively, and she wrapped her arms around him, standing on tiptoes to reach him. He lifted her up, turning them so that she was against the wall without breaking the kiss. She wrapped her legs around him, one hand on the back of his head pulling him closer to her. Dean ran his hands over her clothed form desperately, drawing enthusiastic moans from Alice that sickened and pleased him in equal parts.

Dean found the hem of Alice's shirt, and they broke apart for a moment as he pulled the garment over her head, and tossed it aside before diving back in to kiss her again. She reached between them, undoing the buttons on his shirt easily, and he was forced to put her down as she pulled it off, throwing it in the same general direction as hers had gone. He moved to kiss her again, but she pushed him hard, and sent him sprawling onto the bed. She straddled him, pinned his arms above his head, and leaned down to take his bottom lip between her teeth, biting gently and sucking. Dean moaned softly, the show of dominance arousing him further. Alice ground her hips against his, drawing a slight gasp from him as her lips traveled to his neck to nip and suck his adam's apple.

"Have you done this before?" he gasped.

"No," Alice replied curtly, kissing a trail down his chest, biting one of his nipples and pinching the other as she moved down. Her tongue swirled around his navel briefly, before she pulled his jeans and boxers off at the same time, freeing his cock. Dean started to tell her that she should slow down, but then she wrapped her hand around his lenth. The words turned to deep, enthusiastic moans in his throat, and the thought itself was quickly forgotten as Alice stroked him from base to tip.

"Is that good? You like that?" she asked quietly, adding a twist to her strokes.

"Oh yes... Alice..." he moaned her name.

Alice smiled, as she watched his reaction to her touches. She was a virgin, but that didn't mean that she was naive. She knew what men liked. To be honest, it wasn't very complicated.

Alice bent down, sucking on Dean's sensitive tip as she continued to stroke his shaft. His moans of pleasure became more pronounced as he thrust up toward her slightly, wanting more of her hot, wet mouth around his cock. She slid down, taking more of him in, and he propped himself up on his elbows as she started bobbing on his length, gripping his hips with both of her hands. One of his hands tangled in her hair, and she moaned around him as he pushed her down further along his length, thrusting up at the same time. But through all the pleasure, he still felt a wave of disgust with himself. He was nearly fifteen years older than her, and he was holding her in place as he fucked her mouth. But even as that thought was disgusting to him, it sent a thrill through him, the thought that he was doing something that was so forbidden. He knew he should put an end to it. He knew that would be right. And this was wrong, so wrong. But god help him, it felt so good.

He shuddered, and gripped her under her arms, pulling her up and rolling them so he was atop her. He kissed her, tasting himself on her tongue, before pulling back and meeting her eyes.

"We can still stop. Before this goes too far," Dean reminded her seriously.

She stroked his cheek, a smile forming on her lips that broke his heart.

"Dean," Alice said, matching his tone, "'This'... has already gone too far."

She searched his expression, softening her tone when she found something close to grief in his eyes.

"Besides," she murmured, her hands sliding up his chest to rest on his cheeks, "If we stop now, you'll have gotten way more out of this than me."

Alice leaned up and kissed him, while her hands worked the clasp of her bra. She took Dean's hand in hers, and laid it on her breast. He stroked her compliantly, and moved his mouth down to tease her hard nipples with his tongue, drawing soft mewls of pleasure from her. He slipped a hand into her panties, stroking her entrance to find that she was wet. He slid a finger into her, and she moaned breathlessly, bucking into his hand desperately. The feeling of his finger encased in her slick heat drew an impatient groan from Dean. He drew out to circle her entrance, before plunging in again and stroking her silky walls. She was all soft, and tight even around his finger, and all he could think about was how good it would feel to actually be inside her.

Alice shook and whimpered as he fingered her, breathtakingly rough and achingly gentle in turns. He pushed into her as deeply as he could on every stroke. His calloused hands were so much larger than Alice's, and she could feel his greater strength, barely concealed behind his short thrusts. Dean could hurt her if he wanted to, or even if he didn't, and that knowledge sent a sharp thrill through Alice.

Dean's pace didn't change, but Alice's reactions to his ministrations did. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as she arched into his touch.

"D-Dean," she gasped. The pleasure he was giving her built, and brought something with it that Alice could only liken to hunger. She wanted, needed more of him.

Suddenly, he stopped pumping her with his fingers, and Alice groaned loudly in frustration.

"Dean!" she protested.

He ignored her, and pulled her pants, then her panties off, leaving them on the floor at the foot of the bed. Alice licked her lips, a look akin to nervousness flickering across her features for a fraction of a second as his eyes raked over her. She saw something in their depths, something wild and base, and just as carefully restrained as his strength. Lust, Alice realized. She also realized that was the sensation which had been building in her gut while he fucked her with his fingers. That was what she felt now, desperate, burning lust that made her shake with desire. The feeling scared her, because she could tell that something deeper hid beneath the raw longing. Alice didn't want to face it, because she knew what would come from it. She knew the only thing that could come from it was pain, the kind that would burn more than a hundred fiery knives, ache like the worst Torxing imaginable and take her breath away like a sledgehammer to the gut.

The only thing that hurt worse than coming back from Death's door was loving someone, and then losing them.

No, Alice told herself firmly. Don't think about it.

Dean provided a much needed distraction from the emotions Alice was struggling to convince herself she didn't have. His hands traveled up the outsides of her legs, and she readily focused on his touch. Her breath hitched as Dean's palms slid over her thighs, planting an ache between her legs that Alice knew would be soothed if he would just touch her _there_ again.

She parted her legs in invitation, and Dean immediately settled between them. He kissed her again, gently this time. His lips moved over hers slowly, cautiously, like she was something fragile and he was afraid she would break under him. Alice kissed him back coaxingly, running one hand up and down his back while the other rested on his scalp, scratching lightly.

Dean felt a twinge of guilt as he stroked himself, preparing to enter her. He knew he should slow things down. If she really wanted to go through with this, he should take more time to make sure she was ready.

 _She's fourteen, numbnuts,_ he scolded himself mentally. _She's not going to be ready for this for years._

Dean dismissed his thoughts, instead reaching down between them, and guiding himself into her slowly.

Alice opened her mouth, but she couldn't make a sound as he stretched her entrance, pressing against her most sensitive nerves as he slowly slid into her. Her eyelids fluttered shut as she basked in the sensation.

With one hand, Dean caressed her side, while he wrapped his free arm around her and pulled her flush against him rather than laying his weight down on her. As he pushed into her more deeply, he could feel her heart beating, too quickly it seemed to him. She was completely still beneath him, though her breath was coming in small, sharp gasps. She made a small sound of pain as he pushed against her back wall gently. Dean responded instantly by starting to draw out of her. Alice's eyes flew open in panic.

"Dean, no keep going," she begged, carressing his face as if he was the one who needed soothing.

 _You're fucking disgusting_ , Dean thought of himself.

"It's gonna hurt you," he said aloud.

"I know," Alice assured him. "But it's going to happen sometime. I want it to be you."

Dean hesitated a second longer, locking his eyes onto hers and searching for any trace of doubt or fear, anything he could latch onto to make himself stop. Though the color of Alice's irises shifted slowly from green to olive tinted brown as he watched, he found nothing that could force him to get ahold of himself.

Dean groaned, half in defeat, half in pleasure as he gave up and pushed his hips against hers, sheathing his entire length in her soft, slick warmth. Alice cried out softly, her voice breaking as she clutched him tightly, squeezing her legs around him so hard it hurt.

 _You deserve it,_ he thought to himself. _You deserve a lot worse._

Dean moved his free hand to stroke the side of her face, then drew out slightly and pushed back into her, setting a slow, steady rythym of thrusts. Alice's breathing was ragged, and the occasional whimper slipped from her throat as her body slowly adjusted to Dean's manhood penetrating her. He kept moving, and busied his lips at her neck while he kneaded her breasts with his hands. Minutes passed, Alice's breathing didn't even out. Dean was starting to worry, when a shaky moan escaped her lips.

"Ohhh," she breathed. The sharp pain that accompanied Dean's first few real thrusts into her was fading, and the pleasure took it's place was exquisite.

Without thinking, Alice hiked her legs up around Dean's hips. Dean didn't account for the shift in angle quickly enough, and his next thrust hit Alice harder than any of the others, drawing a sharp cry of ecstasy from her. Something sparked and raced through her, sharp and urgent and so god-damned good that Alice couldn't hold back the wanton noises which felt like they were being forced from her throat.

Dean, however, mistook her shout for one of pain, and stopped moving abruptly. He was ready to tell her that it was over, that she needed to forget this, forget what she wanted, and most of all, forget what he wanted.

"No, Dean! Don't stop," Alice plead, grabbing his shoulders desperately and pulling him back onto her. "Again, do that again!"

Dean forgot all about stopping, and thrust into her as requested.

"Ahhh!"

Alice arched up against Dean, lifting her legs and wrapping them around his waist securely.

"More!" she half demanded, half begged him. Her lips sought his frantically as she pressed herself hard against him.

"Alice," Dean growled, pulling away from her.

"Damn it Dean," Alice snapped back, "If you stop now, I'm gonna kill you!"

Dean didn't need to be told a third time. He went back to fucking her, struggling to keep his thrusts as slow and steady as they had been before. Their breath and moans mingled as Dean moved within Alice, and she slowly started to move with him. Every time his hips rolled against hers, she thrust back, creating a stunning impact. Again, Alice became acutely aware of how strong Dean was in comparison to her. She could feel him holding back, and relished the exhilaration that mingled with pleasure to become something electric and almost painful in the desperation it inspired. Suddenly, Alice found that what she wanted more than anything was for Dean to stop holding back.

Almost as if he knew what she was thinking, Dean's thrusts came more sharply. He would have died to give up their frustratingly slow pace and pound into her. She was so hot, and wet, and most of all, tight, around him, and he wanted to defile her and make her call out his name in pleasure.

Dean's desperation fed Alice's, and she kissed him feverishly, her passion manifesting in her movements as she matched his thrusts and let her hands roam over him.

"Dean!" she moaned his name loudly.

His thrusts sped up, and he gathered her hands, pinning them above her head as he attacked her lips hungrily. Desire threatened to overtake him, and all he wanted was to move more quickly. Alice's shouts and moans and breathless whimpers were driving him near mad, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. His blood boiled with the sensation of being so close to coming, but unable to get enough friction.

"Dean please!" Alice begged as his fingers dug into her wrists.

"Please what?" Dean rasped, thrusting into her brutally hard. If she was going to make him stop now, she was going to have to tell him explicitly.

"Dean! Dean, don't- Ah!" she cried.

Dean released her wrists, his hands racing down her sides and back up to her breasts. He was desperate to feel, to taste, to have as much of her as he could before she ended this, because surely she was coming to her senses now. He had hurt her, and she had snapped out of whatever idiotic trance she'd been in when she asked for this. His hands were far too rough on her breasts, but his remorse was gone, buried beneath the lust consuming him. The world narrowed down to one basic, animal instinct, to mark her, so that everyone would know she was his, and his alone, even if it was a lie. His lips assaulted her throat, and he was sucking too hard, his teeth leaving marks that were too deep, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Suddenly, Alice's nails dug into his back. Dean arched away from the pain, letting out a cry of his own as they broke his skin. The pain brought him back to reality, and horror set in.

"Alice," he groaned, slowing.

"Dean!" Alice panted in his ear, her tone frantic as she scratched pale tracks down his back. "Don't stop, Dean! Ooh, fuck, please don't stop!"

What? She liked this?

"Dean!" Alice urged, her hips jerking against his.

Dean drew back to meet her eyes, confusion stunning him to a full stop. Alice groaned beneath him, disappointment coloring her features.

"You're not done already, are you?" she questioned breathlessly, the slightest hint of a pout pulling at her lower lip.

"No!" Dean said indignantly.

Alice grabbed his hand and pulled it back to her breast roughly.

"Then don't stop!" she panted, rolling her hips against his again, more demandingly this time.

"Fuck," Dean cursed, pounding into her again and squeezing her boob tightly. He claimed her lips, muffling her moans as his thrusts fell back into their quick, hard tempo.

Alice was ready to burst. Every time Dean slammed into her, her pleasure mounted. She felt like they were racing together, climbing, soaring even, but as high as they got, as fast as they moved, there was something just out of reach...

Dean could feel that Alice was getting close. She kept clenching around his cock, and he wasn't going to be able to hold out for much longer if she didn't stop.

"Damn it, Alice!" Dean moaned.

He pinched one of her nipples, drawing a harsh gasp from her.

"Dean, I- Dean, ah! Ah!"

Her shouts crested as he lifted his hips away from hers, angling his thrusts to allow his hand to slide between them. Dean found her clit, and stroked it, quick and hard in time with his thrusts.

"AH! DEAN! Aah- D-Dean, ah, AH!"

Alice tensed beneath him, her nails digging into his back once more as he nudged her over the edge.

"Dean! Oh god Dean!" she screamed, clenching around him harder than ever.

He was sure that her nails must be drawing blood, but he barely registered the pain. He slammed into her one more time, and felt himself coming undone. He meant to pull out of her, but her legs tightened around him at the last minute, holding him fast.

"Shit, Alice!" Dean cursed. Her innermost muscles squeezed him again, and he couldn't hold out any longer. Dean collapsed atop Alice as his orgasm hit like a wave, washing over him and sending sparks of bliss throughout his entire being. His moans joined hers, creating an unrestrained symphony that surrounded them while they each let their bliss claim them for one glorious instant before they started slipping back down from the incredible high of their orgasms.

They both lay still for a while, skin glistening with sweat, their hearts pounding and their breathing ragged, clutching one another until they calmed. Alice spoke first.

"Fuck," she moaned breathlessly. "Did I..."

"Yeah," Dean confirmed from above her.

"Fuck," Alice repeated. "And did you...?"

"Yeah," Dean said again.

Alice exhaled loudly, weariness settling over her as the frantic, buzzing energy of sex cooled into peaceful satisfaction. Dean rolled to the side, and Alice followed, curling up against his side. She watched his face carefully for any sign that the contact was unwanted, but found none. Her apprehension was washed away completely seconds later when he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Alice rested her head on his shoulder.

Minutes passed in silence, but Alice was content with the stillness. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was still afraid of what awaited them on the flip side of their actions, but she pushed the dread away. Whatever happened then, right now was the happiest she had been in a long time.

Her right hand wandered to his right shoulder absently. Her fingers skimmed around the tender, half-healed wound there. The third-degree burn covered a gunshot wound, and she had dealt him both injuries. Dean watched her fingertips as they trailed down to the anti-possession tatto just below the gunshot. He shuddered slightly as she traced it's outline, realizing that Alice had left her mark on him in more ways than could ever be called fair.

As much as she didn't want the moment to end, Alice's reverie was slowly being broken apart by the hanging questions that knawed at her. The silence swaddling her and Dean was comforting, safe, but she knew it wouldn't last much longer anyway.

"Are you still leaving?" Alice finally asked.

"I... don't know," Dean replied.

That wasn't the answer Alice wanted.

She sat up abruptly, turning her back to Dean.

"Alice..."

Dean trailed off, trying to decide what to say. There were so many things he had to say. He was sorry. Sorry for taking advantage of her. Sorry for not knowing for sure what he was going to do. He could have said that he didn't want to leave. That he loved her? Definitely that.

But the words caught in his throat, and a deafening silence formed in the space that followed.

"We should get dressed before Sam gets back," Alice finally said.

And just like that, Dean could tell that Alice was closed again. She was already anticipating his departure, and preparing herself for the fallout.

Dean decided then and there that he couldn't leave her.

* * *

_But, as the audience already knows, the last thing Loki wants is to become the subject of an investigation by Heaven's Timeline Management Department. Whether in a church, or a diner in South Carolina, he'll make sure his toys are put away._

_And Alice will still end up alone._


End file.
